I keep thinking, 'Okay the next time I'll see him, he'll turn me off, or he'll do something revolting. ' Like maybe eat salad with his fingers. Open his napkin after blowing his nose in it. Sneeze on my drink.
But he doesn't.
Instead he's perfectly charming. Funny. Witty. He's got an adorable smile. And table manners to boot.
God I hate it.
I hate that I have so much fun with him, that I lose track of time when I'm with him, that I feel like I can talk to him about anything, that I pretend we're on a date when we're having lunch or walking down the street together. Most of all, I hate knowing that he can never, ever see me in that way.
So I just saw him now. We were just strolling on the sidewalk in the beautiful weather when my right hand accidentally brushed against his left hand. He literally recoiled, like I was some kind of hideous leper. Then he kept his hand firmly at his side to avoid future contact with me.
Right now it's starting to hurt. I was on the phone with him, listening to him, and then it struck me that I was being delusional. It totally bummed me out.
What's the point of meeting someone you connect with when there's absolutely no hope?
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1 comment:
table manners?
he's clearly gay.
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