The End (The long version)

What do you call the straw after the straw that broke the camel's back? Or the nail after the final nail in the coffin? I do not know, but if I did, I'd affix that idiom to the Guy's behavior last night.

The Guy and I had plans to meet at 8 PM last night. We were going to grab dinner, maybe a drink, and then see a comedy show at 10:30 (for which I purchased the tickets). I get dressed up, ready to go, my jacket on and look at the clock. It's 8 PM. I wait. It's 8:10. Then 8:20. 8:30. I'm thinking, Holy shit, am I getting stood up? I start laughing, yes laughing to myself, because I'm wondering, could this get any worse?

(Note to self: Never ask, "Could this get any worse?" because chances are, they can.)

I call the Guy on his cell. He doesn't pick up. I leave a terse message, "Hi, it's me, just wondering where you are. It's about 8:30 and I believe we were supposed to meet at 8. Call me."

At 8:40 PM (forty minutes after we were supposed to meet up), my phone rings. It's the Guy. He says, "Hey, I'm still home. Um, I'm playing my game online and I'm in a tournament, and there are only six people left and I just want to play until I finish. So I don't think I'll make it to dinner, but hopefully I'll make it before the show starts." My jaw drops. I literally have no response. None.

He continues, "And whatever money I win, I'll use it to by you drinks."

Still in shock, I blabber some ineffective responses and we hang up. Not only was he blowing me off for an online game, but he didn't even feel the need to let me know in advance. He was just going to let me wait there until he finished, wait until I call him, wait until he has to return my voicemail message.

Then I start calling my cast of friends, Person A, The Naysayer, friend from school, The Ex. My friend from school is flabbergasted. She tells me, "Tell him don't bother coming down. I'll go with you to the show. And I'd dump him right now."

"What if I get his voicemail?"

"Break up with him over voicemail. That jerk deserves it."

"No I can't dump someone over voicemail. If I get the voicemail, I'll just break plans tonight & tell him to call me back. If he never calls me back, my job's done. If he does, then I'll break up then."

"Whatever you feel comfortable doing."

I call the Guy. He doesn't pick up. I leave my message saying "Forget about tonight. I'll deal with the tickets myself. You have fun playing your game online, and call me when you get a chance. Take care."

He calls me later on. When I pick up, he says "I'm on my way!" I respond, "You know what, don't bother. Forget about it."

He says, "Are you sure? You don't want to go anymore?"

"Yeah, just forget it."

"Oh okay. Well just so you know, I won $700 tonight," he says proudly.

"Okay."

"All right--" he says, using his about-to-get-off-the-phone voice.

"You know what," I say, "I don't think this is working."

"Yeah," he says and as I expected, he continues, "I was thinking the same thing."

"Well that's great we're on the same wavelength," I feign. "That's good we agree."

"I was actually going to talk to you about it tonight but if you want to do it over the phone, okay."

"Oh, was there anything else you wanted to say?"

"No, not really. What about you?"

"No, I think I said what I had to say," I reply.

"Well, okay then, it was fun while it lasted!" he chirps.

"Yeah. It was nice meeting you and hanging out with you. Take care."

"Yeah you too. Maybe I'll see you at a bar some time," he adds.

"Yeah," I fake laugh, "Okay bye."

"Bye."

And that was it. I start making my round of calls again, updating everyone on the story.

Then a strange thing happened: I started crying. Now, why the heck was I crying? First, he was a bad guy that needed to be dumped. Second, I dumped him. Third, I was liberated from the confines of my insecurity and uncertainty! I suppose two months of my life dedicated to one guy may have led me to become emotionally attached, despite his being a jackass. And I suppose it just hurt to be treated so meanly.

Another thing I wonder about that I KNOW is totally moot right now is if he really was going to have "the talk" with me that night, or if he was just saying that. Maybe he was going to dump me. The signs were certainly there. But if he had something on his mind, why didn't he just say it rather than conveying it through passive-aggressive behavior?

Perhaps he's one of those guys who has to act like a total jackass to force the girl to dump him rather than going through the pain of breaking up with the girl (for the lawyers out there, that would be "constructively dumping" me).

Maybe he's utterly clueless. He has no idea he was being a jackass and this is his idea of acceptable normal behavior.

At any rate, the explanations don't justify his behavior. There is the saying, "To understand is to forgive," and I geuinely want to understand. I just can't believe a rational human being can treat another human being that way. It boggles my mind. I suppose there is no point in trying to figure the Guy out at this point.

So that's the end of the Guy. I'll get over it.

Next.