Thinking = Good

I think of myself as being somewhat fearless. I'm not afraid to take the subway at night. I'm not afraid to walk home by myself. However, as I learned the almost-hard way, there's a difference between being fearless and being senseless.

Saturday night, the girls and I stayed out until about 4 in the morning. We were leaving this club fatigued and still buzzing. Four of the girls were headed in one direction, while I lived only several blocks in the opposite direction. They hailed a cab and as they piled in, I yelled out to them, "Have a good night! I'm walking this direction." They bid me good night, one of them instructed me to call her when I got home, and they drove off.

So I began walking away from the club when I heard a guy behind me yell out "Hey--" and ask me some unintelligible question. I didn't turn around nor did I stop. I kept on walking.

It was a bit chilly, I was wearing a sleeveless dress, and so I put on my jacket as I walked down the lonely street. Then I got the feeling that the guy was walking behind me. Whatever, I thought to myself, he's probably just walking to an ATM or happens to live in the same direction.

Still just to be sure, I began walking faster, pounding my black high heels on the pavement.

I could still discern the sound of him behind me. He was keeping up with my pace. I started feeling a little anxious. It was four in the morning, I was in a large city, I was alone, and the normally busy street was dead.

Chill, I thought to myself. You're being paranoid. Just cross the street and see what happens. He probably isn't even following you.

I began to cross the street. As I crossed it, I looked both ways -- to the left, to the right. When I looked to my right, i.e., behind me, I saw that the guy began to cross the street as well, silent, looking in my direction all the while. He was following me.

OKAY, I thought to myself. I thought about calling a friend on my cell -- but I remembered that being on the phone distracts the caller and makes her more prone to attack. I thought about dialing 9-1-1, but I figured the cops wouldn't come in time. I had no cash on me for a cab but I knew a few accepted credit cards. I saw a couple cabs drive by. I walked in the middle of the street and hailed a cab. It turned around from the other side of the street and stopped in front of me. I opened the door and jumped right in and told the cabbie where to drop me off.

The guy who had been following me stopped outside the cab. The cab driver motioned him to walk by, but he just stood there, looking in. The cabbie then drove off. I took a deep breath. "I think that man was following me, so thanks for picking me up." The cabbie said, "Oh really? Wow. Yeah I thought it was weird that he didn't move out of the way and just stood there."

"Yeah, that was scary."

I wonder what the heck that guy was thinking, following me. Wasn't my complete silence in response to his calling out to me indicative of the fact that I was not interested in him? What would he have done had he caught up to me? Persuade me even more? The eerie way he stayed silent while following me, the way he crossed the street when I crossed the street, the way he stood outside the cab when I got in -- it makes me think he was not in the mood to persuade. Even if I had in my purse a bottle of mace, a stun gun, a .45 revolver, a bazooka, it still scares the shit out of me that some guy could have actually contemplated...doing something to me.

So gals, be aware, be smart - and take a cab after leaving a club at 4 AM.