Simple

Last Wednesday, I went to a little social at a bar. I met two guys. I chatted with one guy a bit more than the other guy. I gave both my number.

It's Monday. Both guys coincidentally contact me today.

Guy #1
My phone rings this afternoon. I see it's Guy #1. I pick up. We chat for a few minutes whereupon he asks me for my email address. I ask him what he's emailing me. He says he'd just like to email me. He then suggests that we get together some time. I say "Sure." Soon after our phone conversation, he emails me. I reply with a friendly email. He emails me back immediately. Up to the point he sends me his second email, I'm thinking, "Hey, he's cute, he seems nice... Potential."

Guy #2
He texts me this evening asking me how I am doing and when the next social is.

My psychological Seinfeld-ian self-sabotage:

Guy #1
In his second email, he inserted emoticons after every sentence. I'm not talking about :) or =D. I'm talking about the big cartoon yellow faces with exaggerated facial expressions after EVERY sentence, alternating between winks and toothy grins. I suddenly felt my interest level shrivel.

Guy #2
He was cute and very built. Like uber-muscular. And while I appreciate a nice build on a cute guy, I have this unjustified stereotype about guys who are very muscular, like that they're vain, cocky jerks. I know, I know--it's totally unfair. In addition to that, he texted me. If a gal gives a guy her number, the guy should call her. Texting is just impersonal and passive. Maybe he felt more hesitant towards me because I flirted much more with #1.

I know these reasons are totally stupid, nonsensical and Seinfeld-ian. I can't help but suspect that I'm looking for tiny flaws so I have an excuse not to date. I confess I haven't been as adventurous/open-minded as I usually am in these dating settings. So why the recent reluctance to give guys a chance?

I suspect that the Guy For Whom I Pine is holding me back. Not literally. I suppose I'm not letting myself let go of him. It's safer to pine for a guy you'll never have than to delve into a real situation where things can get complicated and feelings can get hurt. I suppose I am in a semi-dysfunctional "relationship" with the Guy For Whom I Pine because we feed into each other's feelings for each other without really fulfilling them. We don't get the full benefits (or burdens) of a real substantive relationship. It just feels simpler and nicer to like a guy who likes you back. Even if it is pointless.

God I need help. Maybe we all have a little Patricia in all of us.