On guys

I've learned something new about guys. I've gone out with girl #1 once to a pool hall and girl #2 to a bar. Both times, guys chatted us up. Both times, guys lost interest in moments and left us alone. I wondered what it was. It couldn't have been that we were butt ugly, otherwise they never would have come up to us. Then it hit me: Guys don't like to be insulted/teased/emasculated.

I know that sounds so common sense. But the things that girls #s 1 & 2 did were SO subtle, so tiny, that I didn't even realize it was an insult until I pieced it together this morning on my commute.

With girl #1, the (cute) guy came up to us during our pool game, marveling at the strange sequence of moves that just occurred. I know none of the rules, but #1 knows them - and she corrected him. He said, "No I think it's this" and she, smiling sweetly all the while, said "No, I'm sure it's this. That's the rule." She gave him no out, no way to save face. And so he was like, "Oh okay." Then he walked away.

With girl #2, a (cute) guy touched my back and started chatting with me. Then his friend comes over. The guy went to a certain school in a certain city, and girl #2 jokingly teased his school/city. The guy defended himself, and she jokingly did not let it go and again, gave him no out, no way to save face. Not too soon thereafter, the guys "had to go."

So subtle digs can turn a guy off. And I will be the first to admit, subtle digs can hurt girls as well ("wow, are you sure that dress is the right size?" or "you actually get carded? weird...").

Another theory I have is that some guys don't like smart girls. They don't like girls who have graduate degrees. They don't like girls who are successful. I don't understand this. But the painful reality of this fact hit me when one night when I was in a bar. A guy started chatting with me. We were getting along fine when he asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was a lawyer. He talked a little bit more. Then he turned around and walked away from me. Forever. Never to be seen again. See Sex & the City episode "Don't Ask Don't Tell," Season 3.

The Quest for Figuring Out Guys continues...