When

I was walking outside today when I passed by a church, and in front of the church was a black car with a small bright flag on the antenna. It read "FUNERAL." A man in black was walking inside the church as I passed by.

And so I thought of death. I had always resigned to the fact that I would probably die of a heart attack. A couple of my uncles and my father all died of a heart attack. And starting from my early twenties, I have had moderate-high cholesterol. In a way, it was comforting to know in advance my "natural" death (absent a plane crash, fire, bombing, etc.).

I knew before my father died that he would die of a heart attack. When you have a family history of heart disease, a few heart attacks, an angioplasty or two, and a diagnosis that your main artery is completely clogged and it's a miracle you're walking today, you probably have an idea of how you're going to die.

Of course, my belief in how I would die was shaken when I was talking with my brother the other day. He informed me that though the men on my dad's side all died of heart attacks, the women have lived to an old age. My dad's older sisters are still alive, in their 80s. And my aunt who is a year older than my dad eats pork and beef like there's tomorrow and she has outlived my dad. So now my theory of dying of a heart attack is thrown out the window.

If I were given a crystal ball that could tell me how I would die, I would probably not look. I mean, it would be quite traumatizing to see that I would die by drowning or murder. Kind of a bummer on the rest of one's life, right? (And tampering with the events would disrupt the space-time continuum, as Doc would say.)

So the question remains a question. If I think about it too much, it starts to freak me out. So I'll just stop right now.