He's just not that into me?

I had the displeasure of reading the unapologetically blunt book, "He's Just Not That Into You," by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, both of whom were writers of "Sex and the City."

As I began reading the book, I became really depressed. It essentially said that if a guy likes you, he will call, he will ask you out, he will date you. If he doesn't, then he is just not that into you. All those excuses about being busy, being shy, being intimidated, losing your phone number are all just a crock. If a guy really likes you and is busy, he'll make time. If a guy is smitten with you but lost your number, he will find it somehow. All of those excuses are simply lies masking the reality that the guy is not that into you.

Another salient point of the book was that men should ask women out. Period. Greg said that guys don't like it when girls ask them out. The guys who do like it are lazy and you don't want a lazy guy. Men like to pursue women. The authors went even further to say that relationships initiated by the women NEVER WORK OUT. In their admittedly unscientific poll, none of the long-term relationships began with the woman asking the men out first.

The knowledge should have been liberating, but the feeling of rejection is a heavy one. The few guys I've been interested in have neither called me nor asked me out (but they sure love to email me), and so I concluded that those guys were just not that into me. Moreover, the prospect of asking them out seemed unappealing, given that such relationships will be doomed from the start.

The book went on to comfort the rejected reader by saying every other line how fabulous and gorgeous the single female reader is. Somehow, given that Greg and Liz don't know me, their words rang hollow.

I harassed my male friend, The Naysayer, about these ideas, and he told me that the book was a crock. That semi-made me feel better. I then went on Amazon.com to read reviews of the book, and thankfully found some reviews written by men who completely disagreed with the book's premise. A number of men seemed to have married women despite the men's displaying all the I'm-not-that-into-you signals. Some men are so terrified of rejection that they won't ask out a girl even though they do like the girl. And The Naysayer told me he likes it when girls ask him out.

Some brief points I do agree with though:
o If a guy says he doesn't want to get married, believe it. Don't think you can change him.
o If a guy breaks up with you and you fall into this sex-with-the-ex "friendship," get out. Don't think you can lull him back into being your boyfriend.
o If a guy is evasive about the status of your "relationship," take that as a sign.

Okay I could go on. But I won't. It's an interesting book, and I'd recommend it just for discussion purposes. Its harsh perspective however simply does not align with reality.