Sunday, December 18, 2005

The dangers of online dating

There are many dangers of online dating. The most obvious is the possibility of encountering some psychotic stalker or serial killer. Then there is the more innocuous yet still disturbing danger of encountering the deceptive man who posts a remarkably flattering picture of himself, when in reality he clearly is not Brad Pitt's long lost twin brother. But the danger I speak of is not as grave nor as serious, yet perhaps the most common among online daters.

I'm talking about built up expectations.

As far as I know, the online dating process goes as follows:
1) One encounters the guy's profile and picture.
2) One exchanges flirtatious emails with the guy.
3) One speaks with the guy on the telephone.
4) One finally meets the guy.

Right now, I'm in stage 2: exchanging semi-flirty emails. I've given the guy my cell phone number, which he refuses to call. Yet he continues to email me which means he is minimally interested. He still hasn't asked me out. At this point, I've decided I will ask him to coffee. But since I'm on holiday at the moment, I won't be able to ask him for over a week. So this leaves me with just his witty emails, his online profile, and his picture.

Since I was a young child, I've had a very imaginative and semi-ADD mind. So it should not be a surprise to the reader that I've extrapolated a three-dimensional image of this guy from his (very cute) picture, or more specifically, his face atop his self-described lean body. I imagine being with him, dating him, and yes, even kissing him. And I haven't even met the guy yet. This is ridiculous.

Below is a quote that warns against precisely this thing:
Don't fall in love with an e-mail
Too often, people think they've fallen in love with someone through e-mail or over the phone before they even meet. People have actually quit their jobs and moved cross-country to be with someone without once meeting face-to-face—that's not advisable! Face it: Your mind can conjure up lots of romantic notions when you're reading these wonderful e-mails—but nothing replaces that face-to-face meeting. Do you feel a physical connection or not? It's that elusive spark of attraction that separates great friends from lovers. Make sure it's there before you let your fantasy override reality.
—Eva Eschner, author of Virtual Foreplay: Making Your Online Relationship a Real-Life Success
Ms. Eschner might as well have started it with "Dear Yellow Gal." It's so easy to say, "Don't feel X." But to actually obey that commandment is not so easy.

This is all happening despite my having gone through this before with my last online date. I'm irritating myself with my nonsensical stupidity.

1 comment:

Cat said...

Oh man, I am at stage 3 - intense conversations that last HOURS after chatting for hours already. It seems we think alike, which is pretty unique and he's so FUNNY. Sigh. I SO don't want to get excited but dammit I AM. He really seems amazing and he's HOT as all hell. (I've seen at least 3 pictures from various angles.) You know, there are SO FEW guys who can get to this point with me and who can impress me so I'm pretty sure I'll like him when I meet him but we'll see. He wants to meet but I'm SO afraid of the physical chemistry not being there (for him). It's like I'm afraid he'll see me in person and run for the hills even though I've sent him, like, 8 pictures of myself from various angles so he doesn't get any nasty surprises. Self esteem is a curious thing...

Thank you for your comment on my latest post. This guy has never dated anyone asian before but he hasn't even asked me where I'm from. I'm glad he doesn't seem to "care"...

You should really email me...I'd love to talk to you.

 
Site Meter