I was having a conversation with my very good friend last night. I was seeking his advice on how to get a guy to ask me out. His response: "Ask him out."
I proceed to tell him that I am incapable of asking a guy out because 1) I'm a wuss, 2) I fear rejection, and 3) I believe that men are repelled by aggressive women who ask men out.
He summarily dismissed the latter two reasons and added a new reason #2: Yellow Gal is irrational. He insisted that men like a woman who takes charge, who makes the move, who knows what she wants and goes for it, "The Rules" be damned.
"But wait," I responded, "doesn't that turn the guy off? Don't men want to pursue rather than be pursued?"
"Bull shit. You're a wuss."
"But Cosmo said--"
"Cosmo is bull shit."
"Okay so I'm a wuss. Now how do I get a guy to ask me out?"
"You will end up old and alone because you are paralyzed by your fear of rejection. Fine. Have fun in your nursing home as a spinster with your nine cats."
"Uh--"
"While you're at it, never pursue any dream, never apply for that promotion, and continue to waste away in your cesspool of self-doubt, fear, and stagnation..."
[Okay he didn't really say this word for word, but that's what he meant.]
He continued, "...Forego any and all hope of pursuing anything that might make you happy because you might [gasp] be rejected. If you and this guy don't end up going out, you'll have no one to blame but yourself."
At this point, I'm getting annoyed by his condescending self-righteousness, but naturally I have no comeback.
So that's the tough-love-advice my friend gave me. And still the question remains: How do I get a guy to ask me out?
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6 comments:
Ask him. Or even better, tell him. Believe me, it works. It worked for my wife (JJ - A Case Study of a Real Desperate Housewife) - the most wonderful woman in my world. It can work for you!
Good luck!
MJ
Guys always say they like it women ask them out because it's good for their egos.
What's worse is if you ask him out, you go out (maybe even a few times cuz guys go along even if they're not that into a girl), and then he stops calling. Why? Because he wasn't interested and never was enough to actually ask you out in the first place!
Now assuming he's interested, why does it take him (and all guys) SO long to make a move these days?? Here's what I'd try: Listen and see whether he talks about a movie he wants to see or something he needs to do. Then later casually mention that you need to do the same thing. Hopefully he'll say, "Oh! Me too!" and suggest you go together.
This is actually with respect to the online thing. I've been emailing with this guy for a few weeks now and he hasn't so much as suggested talking on the phone or meeting up. I took the plunge and gave him my phone number (!) and my "real" email address. He ignored my # and instead emailed me (within 24 hours) at my real email address, which signifies to me he is insterested but hesitant in calling me. Maybe he wants to get to know me better before initiating actual contact?
Okay enough neurotic rambling.
You know what, I'm in the same boat. A friend introduced me to one of her friends via email. We've exchanged something like 10 emails and he's made absolutely no move to call me or ask to meet up. I've given him enough opportunity and hints. I've had enough. I don't think I'm going to write back again.
hmm.. As I grow more impatient, I'm thinking about just putting both of us out of our misery and saying something like, "So do you want to have coffee some time?" Very casual, very la de da, and if that scares the shit out of him and he rejects me, then so be it.
I think the gutsiest move I made was saying to a guy after dating for 2 weeks, "So are you going to kiss me or what?" It worked. But I was *pretty* confident in that situation... we'll see how this goes.
If you're really interested and think he is too then go for it! If he's scared off then good riddance - go find yourself someone with a bit more confidence and initiative.
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