Sitting at my computer

So I am sitting at my computer and ask myself a question. What is a man? Is he sum of his parts? His arms, his skin, his lips, his back. Maybe a man is a bundle of mannerisms. The way he laughs, his meticulous hair combing, the way he holds his fork. Or maybe he is a collection of memories. The movie the both of you never finished watching, the song he played in his car the first time you kissed, the day you sat by the river and talked about nothing all day long.

I tell myself, a man is just a person. One person. So then I wonder, how is it possible that just one person, one man, can make a girl feel so bad about herself? Negate everything. Reduce her to nothing. He's only one person, after all.

I don't think men fully grasp the effect they have, or rather, the effect that women allow men to have on them. Does a man know that if he messes with her mind or her heart, he'll always win? Does he know how easy it is to make her feel weak and pathetic? Can he even imagine what goes through her mind when he tells her he really likes her and then ignores her for five days?

No, I don't think men know any of this. They couldn't, because if they did, it would make them cruel. And men can't be cruel.

So I am sitting at my computer and tell myself, this is not happening again. Not. Again. Because I don't want to be jaded anymore. I don't want to be unhappy. Really, who does? Don't we all deserve to have at least some hope that something good will come? Don't they say, 'good things come to those who wait'?

So I am sitting at my computer and wait. Wait for something good to come. Wait for a couple girlfriends to call me back. Wait for him to prove me wrong.