Achieving normality

So GD and I had it out. It was a typical tiff. I started out interrogative and yippy, demanding to know why he was being MIA, to know why he screened all my calls and returned zero of them, to just tell me if he's mad at me, and to dump me if he wants to dump me. Clearly, not my best leg plan.

Instead of arguing back, he got annoyed and non-responsive, and eventually informed me that he was frankly turned off by my previous misconduct, was busy, and wasn't even sure what he "owed" me given that we never defined the relationship. (Was that my cue to jump in and define the relationship? I didn't.)

At this point, we were both irate and annoyed. And then, I felt the weight of all the emotions from the past few weeks--the anger, the guilt, the confusion--just buckle under their weight.

"It's just that," I said quietly, "you ignoring me these past few weeks--" and I realized with horror that my voice was starting to shake "--I was hurt. That's all." I felt my face flush, and damn it, the more a girl tells herself not to cry, the stronger the tears press against the back her lids. I frigging hate that.

I suddenly looked away from him and feigned fascination with my hands folded in my lap, because as we all know, a person can't tell if a girl is crying if she looks down and away. Well, I made the unfortunate mistake of blinking, which of course sent the tears down my face.

I closed my eyes and felt his hand reach for mine. "Sorry," I said, wiping my face. I felt so stupid and so embarrassed. Why am I such a GIRL? I thought to myself.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. Okay people, seriously, I was not trying to cry to elicit sympathy and guilt him into apologizing. I frigging hate crying. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate looking vulnerable.

Anyway, we talked a bit more. And it feels like we're back to normal. Okay not completely normal. But semi-normal. It should all go back to normal. Provided nothing out of the ordinary occurs.

Right?

Right.

Last night, approximately 11:45 pm, I was sitting in the backseat of the Naysayer's car. The Naysayer and his girlfriend were in the front, and I was chatting happily in the back, when I received a text message. I flip open my phone and check it. And I see that IT'S NON EMAILER.

Non Emailer who never contacted me.

Non Emailer who I revolted with my reeking desperation.

Non Emailer who clearly did not like me.

The text said, "Hey, what are you up to?" After hyperventilating for a few minutes, the Naysayer and his gf asked me who it was.

"Non Emailer," I breathed.

"Don't respond," the Naysayer said.

"What?" I said as I stealthily texted "Where you at?"

"Don't respond," the Naysayer repeated.

"Booty text," his gf said.

"Really?" I asked as I clicked the "Send" button.

"Woops, I already replied," I said.

"WHY," the Naysayer said. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT."

"What?" I feigned as I flipped open my phone again.

Non Emailer replied. "I'm at a bar. What about you?"

"It's 11:45 pm, Friday night," the gf said, "clearly, a booty text."

"OKOKOK," I said. Ultimately, I never responded to Non Emailer's text. One, because of GD. And two, because there was no point. I just couldn't help but laugh that Non Emailer had chosen this moment, this day, this time, to contact me. I mean, two months ago, I would've been all over it. But now it just felt...wrong.

Life's funny like that. Isn't it.