Doh.

It takes a certain amount of integrity, honesty and character for a gal to admit that she erred in her characterization of recent events and to retract that characterization.

That being said, I recently spoke with GD. I called him after he texted me. I decided to play it diplomatically. Start by chit chatting. Then ask what's up. Then wail on him. So I called him up, we chit chatted for a bit when a nice little lull in the conversation arose and I asked him, "Is everything okay?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, you've been a little distant--"

"--why didn't you call me all weekend?" he asked.

"What?" I said, "Why didn't you call me?"

He didn't have a perfect explanation for it. But he had a feasible one. Now one may wonder, what is an imperfect but feasible explanation for not calling a girl for several days? If it's not a death in the family with a funeral in Patagonia, or the destruction of his cell phone and land line, or the dismemberment of all four of his limbs and subsequent 6-8 week waiting period for his prosthetic hand to come in so he can dial his phone, or a coma or death, then I assume that it's because he is dumping me. Because that is usually the case. Well it turns out there's another explanation: He was mad at me. YES I know, ignoring someone for several days isn't the most mature or diplomatic way to handle anger. But when he told me why he was mad at me, I realized I was in no position to lecture on maturity or diplomacy.

I am actually a bit ashamed to write this now but I feel like I should. Because if I have the audacity to assassinate someone else's character, I should have the balls to own up to my own b.s.

The last time I had seen him, we were among friends at a bar and I was ... drunk. Wasted, in fact. And during my wasted state, I misbehaved. Essentially, I was that girl: the drunk-ass, crazy, obnoxious girl who was all over everyone and their momma. That one you kind of feel sorry for because it's really sad. Yes, that was me. And it really bugged him and it embarrassed him, not only for me, but also in front of his friends. Not only was I all over everyone, including his friends, but I ignored him.

I didn't remember any of this because duh I was drunk. But when he refreshed my recollection, I did have a hazy recollection of being very flirty and dancing crazily. So while I had been dying to know why he never called me, once he got started, I was suddenly wishing he would stop. I wished he'd stop telling me how stupid I looked, how gross my behavior was, how unpleasant it was for him to answer questions from his friends that night and all through the next day about "that girl." I literally shielded my face while on the phone, cringing, uttering apologies in between. I felt really ashamed.

Now for the not calling me part, I told him, "Look, I really appreciate you telling me all this and being upfront. But why didn't you tell me this earlier? If you have something on your mind, tell me. I'm not psychic."

He repeated, "Why didn't you call me?"

"Well, even before that night, you seemed more distant. You were taking longer to respond and weren't picking up your calls as much. So I wanted to give you space."

"If that was the case," he said, "then I would have told you that."

"But phone call frequency is not a concrete issue you discuss -- it's just something you fall into."

Blah blah blah. I'm sure all of you care about the intricacies of our little tiff. In the end, we sort of mostly resolved it. I am not to be a drunk skank, and he should be more communicative. At least those appear to be the goals.

Oh and he brought up the clothes that I had left at his place. "Are they still there?" I asked hesitantly, "or are they smoldering somewhere in the corner or being picked through by a bum in a dumpster somewhere?"

"Yes," he replied a little too quickly.

"Fair enough." Fair enough.

As for my other concerns re: GD aside from this whole debacle, my one girlfriend says that the dynamic involved in deeper conversations and banter comes with time. "Give it a chance," she had emailed me, "and try it out for a while longer. =)"

I suppose we'll see.