I recently met a guy my friend is dating. I do not like him. Now, I like to think I generally like most people. They usually have to do something to make me dislike them. In my friend's guy's case, he said, among other things, "I don't like Jews."
Now, everyone harbors some racism. And perhaps I should give the guy credit because he openly acknowledges his own racism while others (myself included) like to pretend we never see color, just people. The thing is, if I am racist, if I harbor negative stereotypes about groups of people, I despise that about myself. With him, he seemed to feel justified in his dislike of Jews.
It started when I said I had a thing for Jon Stewart.
"But he's a Jew," he grimaced.
I looked at him. "So what if he's Jewish?"
He repeated, "He's a Jew."
"What do you have against Jews?"
"Oh I'm just kidding around. I joke about disliking Jews sometimes."
I was like, Oh-kay... But he later again said how he didn't like "the Jews" and how "they own all the banks."
"Well," I responded, "some of them own banks because, um, they are smart and worked hard to get to where they are."
Instead of addressing my response, he simply continued his original line of conversation. At any rate, it was clear I wasn't going to persuade him to be less anti-semitic.
So how to answer the question my friend posed to me later: "So what do you think of him?"
I know that a girl will pick the guy over her friend when given a choice. I don't want to jeopardize the friendship by calling the guy a Nazi/Klansman/racist bastard. So I took the easy way out and said "Oh, he sounds...interesting."
Still, I feel like she should acknowledge the fact that his blatant anti-semitism is a problem, that it should be at least a factor in her assessment of their long-term potential. Perhaps because she has no Jewish friends or connection with Jews, she feels that his anti-semitism is irrelevant. It doesn't affect how well he treats her.
But it really bothers me. And it bothers me that it doesn't bother her. So I'm considering bringing it up with her. Nicely. Like, "Does it bother you at all that he doesn't like Jews?" I know what the answer is, and I run the risk of antagonizing her, but maybe it'll get her thinking.
On the plus side, the guy did mention that he thought Hitler was a bad guy for murdering millions of people. At least he drew the line somewhere.
2 comments:
I'll give the guy credit for being honest and open, though his being comfortable with racism is of concern.
But then I think about myself. I don't condone racism. I dislike racists but I have some racists tendencies myself, I think. For example, I notice that when I see some blacks in baggy jeans, loud and obnoxious, I keep a closer eye out. When they act like that, I can't help but not respect them. Is that racism? On the other hand, some acquaintances and classmates are black and are educated and I think very highly of them.
If I had some bad experiences with Canadians and I have said to friends that I can't stand Canadians, is that racist?
I try to look at people individually but, yes, I'm guilty of stereotypes and generalizations. Not sure if I'm making sense.
Yellow lawyer
Of course, I think everyone can't help but see color, myself included. For example, many immigrant Yellow folks own small businesses in the less safe areas of the city. I personally know folks who harbor negative stereotypes about people of a certain color. If every person who robbed your store, held you up at gun point and called you a ***** was of Race X, then chances are you're not going to have a positive stereotype of Race X. Even if you didn't want to have that stereotype, you have it because you learn from experience.
So I don't discount that at all. However, I think people should at least recognize that stereotypes can sometimes be inaccurate. And certainly, not something to be proud of or take lightly, which almost seemed to be the case with my friend's guy.
(Incidentally, I can't confront her now because her grandfather was just hospitalized after having a heart attack. I know better than to kick a girl while she's down.)
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