Whenever a guy does not like a girl back, a girl tends to blame at least one of two things: (1) her looks, and/or (2) her personality. Because men are such visual creatures and our culture glorifies appearance over substance, I think most girls tend to blame the former: their looks.
I was chatting with the Naysayer the other night, contemplating over the Non Emailer debacle, and couldn't help but succumb to that 12 year old insecurity. I resisted at first, but I had to ask him: "It's not because he thinks I'm ugly, right?" and "I'm not ugly...am I?" -- to which he yelled at me, "NO."
Yes, I'm well aware I broke "The Rules" and hence that may be why Non Emailer is revolted by me. But come on, if Jessica Alba or Angelina Jolie broke the Rules by calling a guy instead of waiting for him to call her, I don't think the guy would be revolted by her un-ladylike forwardness. Let's face it, the Rules are different for the truly beautiful women, as opposed to the not-bad-looking, sometimes-looks-cute-in-certain-lighting girls.
So I told the Naysayer that a lot of girls (at least in my case) can't help but think, "Oh if I were only prettier, then he'd like me back." His response: "That's probably true." But he added: "With Non Emailer though, I don't think that's the case. It just wasn't there."
Yes, I know that personality accounts for a lot, but I think having the prettier face gets your foot in the door, so to speak. Having a prettier face softens a guy, weakens his defenses, and opens him up to the possibility of liking you. While those of us with a less-than-gorgeous mug face an uphill battle.
Not that I'm butt. (Or am I?!) I just wouldn't mind being that effortlessly gorgeous gal.
Then again, a downside to being effortlessly gorgeous is that a gal will attract too many guys, so many guys that it's a task to weed out the undesirables and to ascertain whether or not a guy likes her for her, or her breasts.
I suppose either way, it's tough.
Like I said before, it's so fun being a girl.
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4 comments:
Maybe he thought you were too professional? I.e., not flirty enough? Guys sometimes have short attention spans.
I confess, looks matter to me -- and I admit that I'm not the hottest guy in the room, but, yeah men are visual creatures. But, it's also the non-visual stuff and that can be random. I find myself most attracted to a particular type of personality and don't immediately fall for one who isn't of that type.
Sigh..guess it's not so easy for women (and it's def. not so easy for guys too).
Yellow Lawyer
Honestly, I think it's perfectly fine that you e-mailed him; in fact, I don't think it would have been so bad if you'd just come out and asked him if he's at all interested ...
I could never have the balls to ask a guy if he's interested. Perhaps that means I'll never know, but being the wuss that I am, I'd rather face tacit rejection than blatant rejection...
It's shame isn't it? Most of the time I feel like a rational girl but I definitely have huge moments when I can't shake the idea that if I were "hotter" I wouldn't suffer the same tacit rejection that you describe. However I do agree on the exception to the rules - something my friends try to beat into my head all the time. No matter how busy or shy (or lazy) a guy is, if he really liked you, none of it would matter. Rules be damned. I've seen it with my own eyes. And wouldn't you want someone who's that crazy about you and doesn't care about who did what first?
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