A guy recently gave me and my gal pal a primer in Guys 101. She and I are both in our late twenties and certainly not dating novices. So it shocked him when he discovered that we weren't privy to one of the most fundamental tenets of human nature:
A guy is never nice to a girl for no reason.
which is a corollary to:
A guy is only nice to a girl because he has some interest.
[This is similar to my previous entry on the theory that guys and girls can't "just be friends."]
This rule was of course met with reactions like "Oh COME ON!" and "Yeah right!" But he stood by it. And he conceded that there are exceptions to every rule including his, but more often than not, he was right. So we started throwing examples at him.
"A guy asks a girl for her email address?" [Yeah that was me asking about Non Emailer. I'm over it, really I am.]
"Interested."
"A guy asks a girl to have after-work drinks?"
"Interested."
"A guy who's already spoken for asks a girl to have after-work drinks?"
"Interested."
"Even if he's taken and they both know that he's taken??"
"Yes. Think about it, would he tell his woman that he's having drinks after work with a single girl?"
"Maybe...?"
"No."
___________
Side note: I think a lot of girls think that a man's status as "taken" acts as sort of a buffer. In other words, if a taken guy asks a girl to drinks or dinner, it seems innocuous because the guy is presumably devoid of interest in the girl because - "duh" - he's taken.
Another side note: A lot of girls are sometimes wrong.
___________
My friend and I mused over his seemingly glib assessment of all men-kind. I furthered, "But there've been times when I thought a guy liked me, and I was totally wrong."
He responded, "Sure, once in a while, a guy will be nice to you simply because he's just nice. But playing the probabilities, guys are never 'just nice.' "
Afterwards, my friend & I discussed this. I suppose a lot of girls like to shy away from assuming that any/every guy nice them is looking for more. First, it just seems plain arrogant to assume a guy likes a gal on the sole basis of him being nice to her. Second, as I mentioned above, some gals have thought guys liked them--and were wrong. Third, girls are nice to guys just to be nice, nothing less nothing more. So perhaps they assume the same in reverse.
At any rate, the Professor of Guys 101 just couldn't believe that my friend and I were so naive. A part of me resists his black-and-white rules. While another part of me kind of wishes that rules could be that black and white, especially those pertaining to the mysteries of the male mind.
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4 comments:
Assuming that the Professor is correct, would it change anything about your interactions with guys?
As I'm sure is the case with guys, when a girl finds out that a guy she is not interested in is however interested in her, she gets weirded out. So, assuming that Hypothetical Guy is nice to me for no reason, e.g., offers to take me out to drinks at my favorite restaurant, and assuming that the Professor is correct, then I would get weirded out.
As a result, my interactions with Hypothetical Guy would probably be limited to more innocuous settings, like groups or lunches during the weekdays. If we do hang out one on one, I might feel less myself and more awkward.
All of this is, of course, assuming that Hypothetical Guy does in fact like me. If it is all speculative, then I'd probably act the same...until further evidence was uncovered.
I don't necessarily think this is the case. I have a number of women friends and I have no ulterior motives.
(though maybe it's b/c I'm really picky (prob. too picky) with who I date)
Yellow lawyer
I suppose the Prof was saying a guy doesn't usually ask a girl out to lunch, drinks, or dinner for the purpose of just "getting to know her better." He says that odds are it's because he has some interest in her.
And it was another guy who said guys aren't usually friends with girls unless they have some minimal level of attraction to them.
These are all theories touted by guys, all of which have their own exceptions. Dunno, I'm still figuring all this out.
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