How does one defriend? Suppose there are two people, A and B. A and B get along as acquaintances. A's ideal friendship with B is maybe a phone conversation once a month. B's ideal friendship with A consists of hourly emails, nightly phone conversations lasting 2-3 hours, and frequent visits. How should A deal with it? So far, A has entertained two possible solutions:
Solution One: Screen B's phone calls, returning fewer and fewer calls as time goes on. B should get the hint and accordingly lessen his expectations of A.
Problem: B may not get the hint. B assumes A is just really busy. B resorts to certain tactics to get A to call B back, such as "Please call me ASAP--I have to talk to you about something!" or the like. Passive aggression doesn't bode well with those who don't get the hint--or won't get the hint.
Solution Two: Tell B that B is annoying and kindly request B to stop calling.
Problem: Painful politeness may render A physically unable to utter the words, "Look B, you're annoying me. Please stop calling me." A further risks burning bridges with B. B may badmouth A to A's friends, colleagues, and the papers. Does anyone ever want to create more enemies and/or be known as The Bitch? Then again, B may stop calling.
Right now, A isn't sure how to proceed, but A thinks A will begin with Solution 1 and then proceed to Solution 2. Any other suggested solutions would be greatly appreciated...by A.
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4 comments:
I surmise you cut off B cold turkey. Pretty bold and yet very effective... Thanks for the comment.
I'm down with the screening solution. I'm ashamed to admit that I've done it before but I just didn't know how to let 'em down easy. It's bad enough to tell someone you don't want to go out with them, but not even interested in being friends? It's pretty rough!
As for the art of BEfriending...it's just as hard. I could join a class but selection is slim, as is my wallet, but I am looking. I guess I'm just being lazy. I should work harder at it :)
Classes may cost money, but volunteering is free. I'm sure there are plenty of different organizations of interest that need volunteers. Just a thought.
or you could just tell them that you have no interest in ever realizing that they exist ever again.
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