I called my mom the other day to chit chat. At one point, she lowered her voice and said to me in a hushed tone, "I worry about you."
Worry about me? Worry about what?
Was she worried that I lived alone in a big big city in an apartment by myself? That I might slip on the bathtub and knock myself unconscious and drown in my own bath? That one day coming home from work at 11 pm I might get raped and murdered and no one would find my limp body in the dumpster until three days later?
No.
She was worried I would become a Spinster.
"You're almost thirty now," she said mournfully, as if delivering a eulogy, "I worry that you become Spinster. I pray for you every day that you find a good man. Soon."
I laughed despite myself. "Um, thanks Mom."
She wouldn't be Mom unless she was Mom.
4 comments:
I'm trying to figure out why "spinster" is capitalized in your post.
It seems to me that your physical safety would be a more valid reason for prayer and concern than your marital status. While maintaining a high regard for your mom and her background that attaches a stigma to women who are single past a certain age, I would mentally dismiss her expectations that you find a good man soon. It appears that your value and well being as a woman can only be validated and assured by finding a good man. Does anyone really believe that? Maybe she should pray for your happiness, contentment, and fulfillment. Your mom wants those things for you but I think she believes a "good man soon" is a necessary ingredient to it all. Apparently mom doesn't realize that you're the "one" who must be found.
On a separate note:
Good women don't find good men. Everyone knows there are no good men. Good men are not born, they're made. The best a good woman can hope for is that she finds an average or mediocre man. Then thru the combined miracles of nagging, manipulation, and the granting or withholding of services she can turn her find into a good man. Of course this metamorphosis from average to good takes time, of which you are in short supply. By now you should be celebrating your tenth wedding anniversary. Ten years is about one third of the process from average man to good man. So if you got married this weekend you would be almost sixty years old before you got him turned around. And don't forget that men don't live as long as women, so there's no guarantee that yours would even survive the process. I'd say that mom has good reason for concern.
I myself have completed two thirds of the process. I am well passed the nagging portion of the transformation program. Since I have teenage daughters, my wife has the opportunity to multi-task. While manipulating me into a good man, she is able also to model the art form to our daughters, so that they too are adequately equipped in its usage when they begin their own search. BTW, if a man says that his wife doesn't manipulate him, that just means that she's really good at it. As for the third part of the curriculum, allow me my dignity please. However, I have heard interesting things about women in their forty's.
I should start a new blog "The Life and Times of a Good Man Wannabe."
Disclaimer: Any commentary perceived as negative about my wife was made in the spirit of good fun and is not the actual opinion of the writer. (She may read this later.) "She" of course being my wife, another good woman.
Am a girl of 27. And i think I have a "mom" inside of me cos i worry myself sick about not finding The One and becoming a spinster.
Having said that i am currently dating a boy. However he is not very committed. So far we've been going out for almost one year and he hasnt uttered those words every girl needs to hear - i love u. yep, and its eating my heart to pieces. sob. so its now a matter of deciding whether to call it a day and try catch other fish in the big sea or stick it out and Hope.
am ranting now...but getting back to the point, i'm scared, oh so scared of being alone....as pathetic as that sounds!
caleb: I agree. Guys can be fixer-uppers. But some are incapable of being rectified. I suppose it's dificult to gauge which is which when you first meet a guy. But what you say re: manipulation is very amusing.
Anonymous: You sound just like my girlfriend. She is in the same exact situation (dating a commitment phobe for a year who has never said "I love you"). I told her I think she deserves to know one way or the other if this is going somewhere or if it isn't, especially after one year. It's pretty painful for her because she is in love with the guy. And no one has ever made her feel as shitty and unattractive as he does to her.
I told her she deserves better. I don't know you personally, Anonymous, but I believe no woman deserves to feel like that, just because a guy can't make up his mind.
And yes, I know, easier typed than done. In the same situation, I don't know if I would have the strength. The heart is an illogical yet powerful thing.
"You're almost thirty now," she said mournfully, as if delivering a eulogy,
"I worry that you become Spinster. I pray for you every day that you find a good man. Soon." - Emily Kuroda
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