I speak English

The English language is very interesting. It's so elastic and evolving. There are the different regions of America that've developed their own accents and words. Is it "soda" as they say in New York or "pop" as they say in Michigan? And there's the inevitable mixing with other "immigrant" languages in America, resulting in Spanglish or Chinglish.

And it doesn't end there. It goes beyond U.S. borders. For example, when I first watched the British version of "The Office," I didn't know what "whinging," "bender" or "tipple" meant. When I was in London a few years ago, I learned that the Brits actually did use the words "bloke" and "fancy." I like "fancy" because it is a nuanced version of "like." For example, I usually say, "Does he like her or like-like her?" Now I can say "Does he like her or fancy her?" Though it sounds terribly British to me.

I've heard Canadians say "bloody" (like "give me the bloody keys!") and "mum," which both sound very British to me.

Out of all the English-derived accents, the South African one sounds the most foreign to me. It sounds kind of British, but with a Southern accent. Like someone from London lived in Mississippi for a while or something. I think it's the way they pronounce their a's or i's, it's a bit more drawn out than the standard British accent. I think.

I really like the Scottish accent. It's almost lyrical. I remember listening to a rural Scottish radio station on my walkman, marvelling at the way they said their sharp o's and i's.

But alas, I'll resign to my standard American slightly northeast accent. That is, unless I get the case of the Madonna's.