Stand up

So I did confront my boss, specifically about his screaming and cursing at me. I did it in a non-confrontational manner, or so I thought. When I brought up it to my boss's attention (with my other boss in the room, door closed), both of them started explaining away the concern, how other bosses are so much worse, how fortunate I am that I didn't work at such and such place. I guess I thought it through more than I realized, because I had a response to every point they made. Then I got this vibe in the room, a negative vibe, a defensive vibe. At one point, my boss said to me, "Cut me some slack!" He was frowning and looking away from me, in a way I had never seen before.

And I realized it. I had hit a nerve.

I reached my hand out across the desk towards him, as a gesture of kindness, and said, "I hope you don't take this personally."

And he said, "Of course I take it personally. You hurt my feelings, and I take it very personally. I don't think I'm a bad person."

And I said, "Oh, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!"

He responded, "Well you did."

I was shocked. I expected to get yelled at, retaliated against, etc. But I hurt his feelings. I hurt my boss's feelings. I was in disbelief. It occurred to me that I wasn't the first person to express this concern.

I do admit though that at least one of their responses was legit: I need to get a thicker skin.

Anyhow, in the end, he said, "This is who I am. I'll do my best to address your concern, but chances are, I'm not going to change."

I responded, "Quite frankly, I expected you to say that. This is how you've operated for over fifty years so I honestly don't expect you to change just like that. I just wanted to express to you how I felt."

"Fair enough."

"Fair enough."

So that's that. I don't think things'll change remarkably. But I felt better that I stood up for myself. I even felt a little bad for hurting my boss's feelings, and perhaps a little insubordinate for dare criticizing my boss (both the Naysayer and the Boyfriend quelled the latter concern).

But I stand by the moral tenet that a boss shouldn't scream profanities to his employee. It isn't right.