Rarr

I am angry about a lot of things. Angry about stuff I have no control over. Angry over the fact that I'm angry over stuff I have no control over. Angry that I'm angry at all, when there are people dying in Iraq and starving in North Korea and working in sweatshops in China.

This anger is palpable. I can feel it in my chest, breathing in the air I breathe and living off of me.

I have this theory that if I go running, the anger and frustration and stupid angst I have pent up will somehow dissipate. That with each mile I run, the negative energy will exit through every step I pound into the pavement and every breath I force out of my mouth. And then in the end, I will be less angry. Because it won't be inside anymore. It'll be swirling aimlessly in the wake of the path I just jogged, trying to find someplace to go after having been forced out of my chest, and then just settling for some brittle leaves on the ground before decaying.

I need to go running.

Spin her right round

I am more right brained I suppose.

But I can see her spinning counter-clockwise as well.

Put the knife down

Yes. Girls can be psycho too. Hello. Read my blog. Probably the most psychotic thing I've done with respect to guys (other than unhealthily obsessing over them) is looking them up on facebook, myspace, friendster and/or google. Here are some psycho things I know for a fact some girls have done:

1) Once the guy leaves the girl alone in his apartment, she will go through all his stuff. And when I mean "go through," I mean more than just opening the medicine cabinet. I mean opening drawers, paging through and reading personal files, turning on the computer and looking through the internet browser's history, cache, and cookies.

2) The girl will see her guy walking down the street with a colleague one random afternoon and then call him later and accuse him of sleeping with her. "What are you talking about?" he will say, and she responds, "You know what I'm talking about. Face it, you're busted. Just stop lying to me" -- when all the while, she is completely bluffing.

3) The girl will look through his cell phone when he's not looking, and read every call entry, received, outgoing, and missed. Additionally, she will read his address book and texts, sent and received.

4) The girl will hack into the guy's email (hotmail or yahoo) and read all his email, sent and received.

That's all I have for now. I don't know of any girls who sleep with their boyfriend's brother to get back at him or pretend to be pregnant to get the guy to marry her. Because that would be psycho.

I myself am pretty private and make it a point to respect the guy's privacy. In college, I dated a guy who was a computer whiz and at times monitored what computer I logged into my email at any time. Sometimes he would mention how my ISP was different at a certain time of the day and ask me where I was then. Another time, I let a different guy use my computer to do something and he ended logging into my email reading all my emails. I've had guys go behind my back to gather information and then try to use it against me or to trap me. It can be as harmless as asking my friend for my number after I've repeatedly refused to give him my number. Or as stalkerish as finding out when I was back in town from the holidays and alleging that I couldn't use the excuse that I was out of town that week to avoid hanging out with him.

It's pretty violating. When someone obtains information about you without your consent, it just feels wrong. So I make it a point to render the same level of respect for the guy's privacy I would expect for myself. So if the guy's email inbox is open on his computer screen, I avert my eyes. With facebook, myspace, etc., I reason that it's information the guy voluntarily put out there. Tho no doubt, I'd be mortified if the guy found out I looked him up.

So yeah. My point is, certainly, women can be psycho. Crazy and psycho. Clearly.

That is the question

I occasionally am seized with this debilitating perception of men. That they are selfish, hedonistic and enslaved to their cars and penises. That they are only as faithful as their options. That if confronted with a woman who is slightly thinner, funnier or bendier, they will dump their current for the better model. They will trade up because they can. They are detached, and to them love is in inverse proportion to the boredom their penis has with the same vagina.

This is the jaded cynical side of me who's perceiving this. That men are binary animals who can rise above their animal instincts, and choose not to.

Then there's the romantic hopeful side of me that thinks there's something more ethereal to a relationship between a man and a woman.That when that It is there (that four lettered word), it perseveres and binds, it outruns Pavlov's dog and outflies Darwin's birds, and all the others are just that -- others -- Existent but irrelevant.

Can someone who has no faith in something she can't see because she can't see it (God) have faith in something else she can't see (_ _ _ _)?

Some of the contents of my desk drawer at work:

o Colgate toothpaste
o Toothbrush
o Cetaphil
o Ibuprofen
o Wal-Tussin DM
o Pepto-Bismol
o Powder compact
o Eye shadow
o Tampons

I could literally live here.