After countless months of being single and hearing the online dating adventures of two of my attractive, intelligent girlfriends, I decided to sign up on one of those dating websites. Upon doing so, I was suddenly confronted with how utterly superficial online dating can be.
It first asked me to write about myself and the guy I look for, and then I fill out a form of nonnegotiable traits—smoking or non, wants kids or not, income, and job type, to name a few. Income isn’t so important to me, but I suppose a minimal level of education is (at least college).
My guy friend was perusing the girls and one girl indicated that her perfect mate must be a lawyer, doctor, banker, or consultant and that he make at least six-figures a year! I suppose I give her credit for being so honest & blunt, but she looked completely shallow. Of course, my guy friend who after seeing her cute smiling picture, was compelled to contact her since he met those two specifications.
Another element of superficiality was the profile picture. The average guy will obviously be average-looking. In my experience though, some guys grow on you. They’re the average looking guys who win you with their wit, charm, and kindness. After a while, you think: “Hey he’s cute…” But on these websites, you are confronted with his picture immediately without getting to know him. Since most guys are average looking, it’s difficult to discern which ones will “grow on you” and which ones won’t. You read their profiles to prod further and they all seem to blend together—“I work hard, play hard. I’m easy-going. I enjoy life, art, fun” etc. etc.
And some guys are just, quite honestly, below average looking. I firmly believe that physical attraction is an important element of a relationship. If you are physically repulsed by someone, chances are you are not going to have a great relationship. (At least this is what I tell myself to justify my superficiality when I eliminate them.)
I’ve been on the other end, certainly. A couple times I’d see an appealing profile of a guy—we’d have stuff in common, he’d be cute—and then I’d read he only dates women of race X (and I am race Y). My response was usually, “Oh…okay.” Many guys have looked at my profile and declined to contact me. So it goes both ways.
It’s so surreal, to sort guys by age and demographics like they’re all a bunch of disposable computer files. Such an artificial dating environment. As for whether or not this works, I have no idea. We'll see.
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4 comments:
I'm not on that thing anymore, it was too discouraging.
There are basically two types of guys oneline: goodlooking ones who date a lot and are jerks, and average or below-average looking ones, most of whom have personalities not good attractive enough to make up for the ugly.
Worse is the guy who has a great profile but who refuses to post a picture or send you one immediately once contact has been established. It's like, I know I shouldn't judge a book blah blah blah but you can't TRICK me into liking you if you're monstrous.
The guys are so uninspired and unoriginal. "I like a girl who likes to have fun." Duh. I don't know about you but I hate having any kind of fun.
I did meet one guy in the beginning, a HOT psychiatrist that I dated for a while but he turned out to be one of those aforementionned good-looking jerks and a philanderer.
Hope your luck is better than mine!
I stumbled upon your blog the other day and read the whole thing. You have a wonderful way with words. Don't spend too much time worrying; you're obviously smart and attractive in the ways that count most. It's cliche, but often the right one does pop up when you least expect it... I had already thrown up my hands when it happened to me. :)
cat, thanks for the comments. They kind of reiterate my suspicions. Ah well. If there's a chance I could find true love, maybe it could happen?
mom: I thought you were MY mom who stumbled on my blog (b/c she blogs on blogger as well). I suddenly felt compelled to delete certain explicit posts but I realized just in time. (Thank god) Thanks for stopping by!
Yes, I've actually considered changing my display name. (I think I've scared other bloggers as well!) Sorry about the near panic attack...
I'm Asian American, too. I really enjoy your writing and insight. Thanks for sharing. :)
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