O the Orange

Once upon a time, there an unremarkable orange named O. O recently went to a party. It was a party of apples, and O was the only orange. The apples mingled amongst each other in their shades of golden green and scarlet, while O awkwardly stood in the corner, holding a red plastic cup of booze. At one point, a light green apple and a golden apple rolled up to O to discuss apple life. When O said, “I'm an orange,” the apples looked at each other and politely nodded their stems at O. “That’s cool,” they replied in unison as they perused the room for the nearest tactful social exit.

As O passed through the crowd, the apples talked of nothing but apple life. Apple skin, apple core, apple texture. O overheard the following conversation:

“My god, how do you get your apple skin so shiny?”
“Why thank you, I use the most premium ultimate mega high-end first class buffer.”
“You must tell me who buffs your skin. It’s simply fabulous.”
“I will I will. I also found the most brilliant stem trimmer, but I am quite tired of his daily life musings.”
“Oh dear, time to cut the stem and move on!”
“Indeed.”

O also observed a phenomenon called the “brag-complaint.” The apples discussed the toils of apple life; yet though a complaint in form, their utterances were a brag in substance. Two red apples conversed vehemently:

“Yesterday I had to roll 5 times on the hill.”
“Wow, five times? I had to roll 4 times but that was on a weekend.”
“No way, you had to roll on a weekend?”
“Totally.”

Interspersed among these brag-complaints were loud sighs, raised stems of utter agony, and curious expressions of expected pity. Each apple was an oblong microcosm of elite martyrdom.

O, the sole orange, rolled out of the apple party early, feeling small and so…orange. Not only orange, but very un-apple. O knew it did not want to be an apple, yet the apples’ smug superiority over all non-apples was infectious.

If only O could find another orange, a perfectly orange orange, O would be so happy. Until then, O had to settle for an ordinary life...among apples.