My "disorder"

Today I was feeling desolate, miserable, and useless. Why the funk? I attributed it to just one of my moods. It never occurred to me that my funk was related to the fact that today was my third day away from my bittersweet addiction, Starbucks coffee. Yes, I expected the headaches, the sluggishness, and the propensity to fall asleep at odd hours during the day. But some studies reveal that caffeine withdrawal may qualify as an actual disorder (See Is Caffeine Withdrawal a Mental Disorder?, Caffeine Withdrawal Recognized as a Disorder). Both of these articles note that that some of the symptoms of withdrawal include depression and irritability. As if the mind-numbing headaches and general obliteration of productivity weren’t bad enough.

Yet part of me suspects I’m not really quitting my addiction for the usual reasons such as health, the high cost of the habit, or even the selfish desire to “preserve” the effectiveness of caffeine for when I “really need it.”

I think a part of me is just really bored.