Samo Samo

Again, I haven't blogged in a while. The reason for this is simple: Nothing is going on with me. Nothing good. Nothing (new) bad. Just the same ol' ish. Every. Day.

The same question lingers. I don't know what the next 'phase' of my life is. Nothing is really propelling me towards anything. Nothing is really inspiring me. Everyday is Groundhog's Day.

So when inspiration doesn't find you, you should find it, right? I've talked to a lot of lawyers in different fields and in different stages of their careers. I've talked to legal recruiters as well. Most, if not all, lawyers are unhappy.

What other options are there? Teacher? Consultant? Sketch artist? What?

The other day, I was talking to my galfriend about this existential yuppie funk. We wondered if other girls our age in similar stages of their careers were going through the same phase. We then figured, a lot of girls our age are married with kids. And, apparently, marriage and kids can take a lot of time away from ...well, complaining about how there's nothing going on.

As my mom likes to remind me, I'm 30 years old now, and it'll be another 5 years before my eggs start drying up and my chances of bearing a child with Down Syndrome doubles every year after 35. "You must get married," she insists, "you must have children. Otherwise, you will live and die alone."

Okay.

I do eventually want to get married and have kids. But just not now. I am so not ready. Hell, I still am a kid! I don't have time to vacuum my bedroom and I overboil my pasta sometimes--I can't even take care of myself, how could I ever have take care of a kid?!

Looking at all my peers, a number of whom are married with children, I can't help but suspect that maybe I'm ... behind the ball? I realize it's probably social convention that makes me feel this way. But I have to concede that, medically speaking, my chances of having a healthy child starts decreasing after the age of 35 and continues into my 40s. And, feeling lethargic at this age already, I know I won't have the energy to raise a young feisty toddler in my forties. (Mad props to the moms out there who do it -- they're so much more resilient than I am.)

So I'm hoping that I'll "figure it out when the time comes," and everything, in the next few years or so, will somehow fall into place. Right? Right.

It's funny. Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I'm not making other plans. So maybe this is why I'm not feeling alive.

Man I need a hobby.