"There's someone I want to you to meet."

Words that every single girl will inevitably hear. Words that every single girl will inevitably loathe. I was having lunch with Shannon, a former co-worker, when she uttered these words to me.

"Oh really?" I asked.

"His name's Nick. He's fun and smart and cool," she gushed. "I hung out with him in a group a couple weeks ago. I think you'll really like him."

My receptiveness to meeting someone depends on the purveyor of the words. Shannon was cool, a little bit on the alternative bohemian side. She typically dyed her hair a different color every six months. Today, her hair was strawberry blonde, and she wore a floral dress with black combat boots. On anyone else, the get-up would make the wearer look like she was trying too hard. On Shannon, it worked.

While Shannon knew me for only a year, I suspected she knew me well enough to not introduce me to some random lame-o off the street. So with her stamp of approval, I said, sure, why not, let's all hang out in a group and see what happens.

Shannon set up an "after-work thing" where we'd all meet up. I knew she was also inviting her other girlfriend, Pam, another strawberry blonde (but natural), whom I had seen on Shannon's myspace page and heard about through Shannon.

I met up with Shannon at her office, and we walked together to the bar where Pam and Nick were. I saw Pam who smiled, and I returned her smile. Then I saw Nick. And suddenly, I became embarrassed.

Nick was Asian. "Oriental." And not only that, but he was very fobby. I looked at his "Members Only" jacket and ribbed tank top underneath. And perhaps I could have forgiven his fashionlessness if it weren't for that thing growing out of his neck. His head.

Nick bore an uncanny resemblance to Random Task, the Korean villain, on Austin Powers.

I was so embarrassed. So. Embarrassed.

Shannon beamed as she introduced me to Nick, looking at me, then to him, then to me. I sat down, swallowing my mortification, and smiled and ordered a martini. As I sipped my drink, I totally hit it off with Pam, who cracked me up with her scathing wit. With Nick though, it was different. I couldn't communicate with him. Literally.

His words were coated with a thick accent. He had to repeat his jokes three to four times before I could first decipher what he was saying and then decipher why the joke was remotely funny. He also snorted when he laughed and had a serious dandruff problem.

So embarrassing.

Did Shannon think that just because we were both Asian we would automatically hit it off? That because he was remotely nice and not a complete moron and we had a "common background" we were automatic soulmates?

Sensing my revulsion, Shannon attempted to do some damage control. During one of Nick's bathroom breaks, she leaned over to me and said, "Oh, I hope you don't think I was trying to set you up! He's a really nice guy."

I feigned a smile. "Oh, of course." I let her off on a technicality. She never explicitly said, "I'm setting you up with this guy for romantic purposes only." She just said there was someone she wanted me to meet. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The night ended without incident. As we bid our farewells, Nick shook my hand and said, "Nice meeting you."

I looked at Shannon and then back at Nick. Through a gritted smile, I replied, "Nice meeting you too."