My limit

We all have limits. Limits to what we can eat. Limits to what we can fathom.

Recently, I have come to realize that I myself have limits. Limits to how much nerdiness I can handle.

Let me just say first off that I will be the first to admit that I have nerdy tendencies. I am a Star Trek fan, specifically of the original and the Next Generation series. I loved and still love reading "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. And I used to memorize the squares of numbers up to 30 "just for fun" while working at my parents' pharmacy. So really, I readily acknowledge that I, along with perhaps everyone else, have some modicum of nerdiness.

That being said. I can't take it. The shy guy has surpassed my nerd-threshold.

Now. It's not that he pontificates on square roots and quasars, because even that would be interesting. It's not the subject of his conversations or his interests. It's the way he carries himself. And his jokes.

In case people can't tell, I have a slightly sarcastic sense of humor. And I enjoy a good witty banter once in a while. The shy guy's sense of humor, to the extent that it even exists, is completely devoid of wit. Bereft. Nonexistent.

Oh, I can work with that, I had reasoned with myself. Not everyone is going to be a repository of wit and charm, I had assured myself.

As each date progressed, however, I found myself not only not laughing in the wake of his horrid jokes. But cringing. Wincing. Grimacing.
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Example 1:

Me: "I think that ship is made of steel and wood."

Him: "Huhuhuh. You said 'wood.' Get it? Huhuhuhuh."

Me: "Yeah I get it. That's pretty lame."

Him: "Huhuhuh."
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Example 2:

Me: "I love banana creme pie."

Him: "Do you like oranges too?"

Me: "Uh...yeah..."

Him: "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

Me: "That doesn't even make sense. And I hate that knock knock joke."

Him: "Huhuhuhuh."
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Example 3 (last one, I promise):

Me: "So my doctor guessed that I developed a slight allergy to that particular pollen..."

Him: "Maybe you're allergic to ME. Huhuhuh."

Me: "Was that even a joke? I don't get it."

Him: "Get it? Your allergic reaction was caused by me, not the pollen. Get it?"

Me: "Seriously, dude. How do you come up with these jokes?"

Him: "Huhuhuh. Ow, that hurt."

Me: "Dude. I couldn't come up with jokes this bad if I tried. I truly think it takes a certain amount of ingenuity to come up with jokes that make me want to vomit every meal I've had in the last 24 hours."

Him: "Ouch. That's harsh! Huhuhuh."
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Hello, what I wanted was a comeback. Not a statement of the obvious.

The way he carries himself is also incredibly nerdy. The way he laughs artificially when I make a joke. I mean, I'm occasionally amusing, but when I say something innocuous like "That car has seen better days" - pointing to a car with a dented fender - he chortles like the laugh track to a bad "Friends" episode.

Another time, we were having dim sum. I took a piece of tofu from one of the plates in the center to put it on my plate. After a minute, I took a piece of Chinese spinach to put on my plate. And each time I used my chopsticks to lift the food from the dim sum plates to my plate, he'd stare at me, then the food, then me. I avoided looking at him because, like most people, I like to ignore people's social retardations for as long as I can. Yet each time I lifted a dumpling or roll to my plate, I could see in my peripheral vision his head robotically jerk from the food, to me, back to the food, back to me. Back. And forth.

What the fuck.

After several mintues of his strange behavior, I couldn't take it anymore and asked him, "Why do you keep staring at me and the food like that?"

"I don't know. I want to give you a hard time. Huhuhuh."

I looked at him. "That makes no sense."

"Huhuhuh."

Okay people. What you have just read is just a sample of what I experience in several minutes with this guy. Imagine whole hours. Whole days. It's unbearable. So while he is sweet, caring, thoughtful and profound, I ... just ... can't handle his nerdiness. I've reached my threshold. My tolerance level. My limit.