Spare change

A lot of people fear change. I think the biggest thing people fear about change is the pessimistic notion that things could always be worse.

The Pessimist reasons: What if you dump your sig other in hopes of finding someone better, and you don't? What if you end up with someone worse? Or you die alone with nothing but regret? What if you changed your job? Your career? The city you live in? The friends you have? You could always end up somewhere more miserable or with people who are more unpleasant.

There is some dysfunctional comfort in living in the familiar, even if it is replete with unhappiness. We keep the toxic friends we have because at least when they flake out on us or disappoint us, it's expected, it's familiar. We stay with our boyfriends or jobs because, while they do have their flaws, they're known flaws, flaws that we've been able to deal with. And, we reason, it's easier to deal with the known than the unknown.

It's this dysfunctional thinking -- this fear, I should say -- that paralyzes us from making a change. And when I say "us" I mean me. The Pessimist's reason does resonate: It could always be worse.

I wonder what usually is the precise moment that crystallizes for us the need for change. Usually, and unfortunately, it's something violent or traumatic. For example, a woman realizes she needs to leave her husband after he hit her. Or an employee realizes he needs to leave after his boss calls him a chink. Does it always have to come to that breaking point? How can we come to that epiphany of change sooner?

It's difficult because the flip side says life is always hard, no job/significant other/friend is perfect, and life is about compromise. If you're searching for something or someone perfect, you'll always be searching. How unhappy does one have to quantitatively be before she decides to change?

I guess everyone has a different standard. In cultures that condone wife-beating, it probably takes an attempted murder to motivate a woman to leave her husband. Or, as in my case, when someone is raised by parents who suffered a lot to just put food on the table and a roof over their heads, it probably takes a horridly abusive work environment to motivate a gal to leave her cushy job.

I suppose the fact that one thinks about it a lot is an answer in itself. And perhaps that's my answer.

A nice thing about change, to which the Pessimist has no retort, is that you're in control. You decide what you want, and the actions you need to take to get there. It is exciting and, most importantly, liberating. And who knows. With some spare change, you may end up with something better. And be happier.